ugh.

im so angry. ive been dealing with so much recently and im mentally exhausted. im up basically all night crying or just overthinking. and the cherry on top? im super sick.

i feel TERRIBLEEEE. im dealing with some stuff with a close friend and its honestly breaking my heart cuz i really really like him. im hoping we can eventually move past this and grow stronger but i dont have high hopes this time.

i seriously do hope we are able to talk it through and stuff because he has made me such a better person. compared to 6 months ago, im overall happier (well other than right now…), im healthier, im eating again!, and im overall becoming a better person, or well, i have. but theres always room for more improvement. i want him to be there when i improve.

along with our future plans… we made so many future plans together. we were going to live together with our 2 other friends and our cats, he would be there to care for me and i would be for him. along with so much more that i dont necessarily feel comfortable sharing publicly but you get the jist. 

moving on from that, i had to let 2 people go and i feel so much happier. 

one of them made very odd (sxual) comments towards the same person that i have feelings for and was overall just a weirdo towards most people. keep in mind, this all happened while they were actively talking to somebody for months on end. yeah. 

there is a lot more to that but honestly im so sick and my brain is a bit foggy, so i apologize ;-;

the other one, we didnt talk much. it was bound to happen. we were friends for a while around 6 months ago and then it ended due to strange circumstances, but then afterwards when we did “become friends” again, it was always awkward and we never really spoke with each other. it honestly was just a really weird situation and honestly i didnt trust them much after what happened originally so im not too upset that we no longer talk, but i do wish them well in the future because they are a good person, we just didnt really seem like we would last long. (friendship wise)

they also got mad at me for being friends with somebody even though i rarely talk to them and dont really know if we are “friends”, its odd but idrc, it happened, its over, its whatever.

im dealing with a lot, its very very stressful but ill get through it soon. 

ive been playing more overwatch and im getting better but i barely have anyone to play with so if anyone wants to play… wink wink..

im probably gonna dye my hair soon too! im very excited!

alright im done with this, just wanted to get stuff off my chest. i appreciate anyone who took the time to read this and i love and appreciate you!/p i hope you have a wonderful day/night and are doing better than i am. <3