rambling abt my day | #5

I'm writing this right before going to bed, because surprisingly I got all my stuff done before midnight and still have some time left. Despite not doing much today, I feel like it was a long day, in a good sense. I feel like I didn't skip thru any hour.

The morning wasn't a good forecast, I woke up late and with nothing to do. I felt this familiar burden on my shoulders that's supposed to keep me chained to bed. I checked the few messages I got overnight, they twisted my stomach a little. As usual I then opened reels, but thanks to my adjustments to the phone it quickly got laggy so I turned it off after few minutes.

> I technically still have instagram and other apps, but it's tricky to use them without google services, so everything is a bit slower, I have to be more picky about what to open, and sometimes have to restart the browser if I want to keep watching. I'm really enjoying this mechanism.

I forced myself to get up as "it's the very least you can do to open more opportunities in your day". No fireworks here, I soon sat on my computer and opened youtube. Today I felt like I've already seen everything. I started my search for a new book to read, which took some time. Looking for inspiration I decided to write in my journal, as it usually helps me to create ideas. I made some food, played with my cats and cleaned my room (woohoo!). Accidentally I've found my very old MP3 player. It was a nice gift from the universe as I've been looking to buy one recently. I then spent few hours downloading songs and listening to them. 

There's a thing I wanted to do since some time, which is acknowledging my own accomplishments. My self-esteem is still not too high, despite that I definitely cope with it better. This blog motivates me to write more than my paper journal, that's why I wanna take a moment to reflect here.

I want to focus on the last year. It's got a time stamp since last summer I halted contact with someone very dear to me, that I met during my freshman year. To put it shortly the relationship started getting onto my mind a little too much as I've grown too attached and dependent on one person. After months of inner conflicts, to stop the contact seemed like the most logical solution. (I still believe so)

That forced me to rebuild my life again. I started looking for ways to talk with new people. I went to group activities alone. I made myself as exposed to people as I could. And it turned out that humans are the sweetest creatures ever. Any time I went somewhere by myself, I always encountered at least one or few positive interactions. One by one these started creating sweet little memories, I started being less scared of socializing. I grew more open, I learned how there's always good people everywhere. Sometimes I have to reach out first, but I can bring something worthy out of every connection. I'm now thriving for a lot of these, and I'm on my way to finding more opportunities. I never would have thought I'd love people as much, since I previously considered myself an introvert.