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!!!!story includes suicide ok!!!!

!!!!and this doesnt mean i want to kill myself, i just like to think a lot, im not romanticizing suicide either i just dont think its such a crazy thing to think abt!!!!

this is probably just 1/3 of all i wrote so far, but the rest is still kinda rushed

and im putting this here so it doesnt just stay hidden, if someone sees it !!!hope u fw it!!!

act 1

another day for mitaro, hes sleeping on the grass for some rest, birds are chirping, sun is blinding and a refreshing breeze makes this the perfect time and place for a nap, hes relaxed and at peace, until he wakes up.

he sits up and sighs once all the thoughts start coming in, could this be torture? memories flood his consciousness all at once, evil thoughts on how he could've acted, what he should've done, "do they hate me?" he askes himself multiple times, "no" floating on his brain and "yes" swimming through, such a confusion of feelings...

mitaro never sees himself happy, and most of the times he makes himself believe hes fine with words like "i did what had to be done, i have no more in me" "if they want to fix things let them come to me, i dont care about them anymore honestly" and maybe he really believes that hes over it all, hard to believe someone would have such neutral feelings about their parents abandoning them, he needed love to grow emotionally but his growth is based on hate now.

but hate isn't the only thing in his mind, theres freedom too... only time he ever feels at peace is when hes sleeping because theres no thoughts or memories, maybe dreams but they dont do much for him, "might as well stay like this forever" he says as he grabs a small sized knife and lays down with it pressed against his throat "nothing to lose".

"suicide... a concept that brings up a lot of psychological questions, am i wrong for this? whats the morality of suicide, who am i hurting but myself? whos gonna miss me? in the eyes of religion its egoistic to take my own life because God gave me life? no way God has his hand on all human lives, i feel like its the devil himself controlling the way we think and live, we kill, torture, hate, we betray our loved ones for our own personal benefits, our minds are corrupted in a way where evil is just normal, so is a human freeing himself from his evil and disgusting nature really that bad? 

is the death penalty wrong when someone judges themselves?

is someone wrong for wanting to be free from pain? 

forcing people to live and search for a purpose wont help, sometimes u need to cut things short, especially when youve done what you could."

mitaro lifts the knife just enough to point it directly at his veins.

"...no reason to not do it"

he closes his eyes and breathes for a second, a second that gets cut off by a very sharp and warm pain, so strong that it feels like he just swallowed little electric razors, his throat is slit open, the smell and taste of iron raises in his mouth as blood splurges all over his clothes, turning his previously blue sweater into a dark bloody red, the pain is getting colder as more blood leaks from his neck.

 "AHRGRGRGRHHHHHRGRGRGHHHH" mitaros screams gargle with blood, its as if he's choking every time he speaks "WhY aM I AliVe, leT me DIE ThtsS wwY YOU MAD me STraB MYSEklF QUickER"

hes agonizing in pain from the deep cut and the lack of oxygen, he should've died by now, looks like a failed suicide attempt but a cut that deep to the throat would kill anyone in seconds, the fact that it didn't is scary, now he needs to go through a deadly pain without passing away...

as more time passes more blood leak out the wound, at this point the pain is so strong that his brain cant really comprehend it, his body doesnt really work either, he tries to move his arms or sit up but it takes so much strenght to do, the pain just keeps getting worse, it was almost like someone was punching the fuck out of the wound..

the worst thing right now? his human instincts, the blood blocks his windpipe causing him to cough a lot, but coughing just makes the pain even stronger, almost like hes forcing the wound open, as he coughs blood starts coming out of his mouth too, getting all over his face.

hes very weak but still hasnt died, wheter this is possible for humans? probably not...

"..." he passed out, acting like an anesthesia, now hes calm and.. healing!

his throat closes slowly and the blood stains disappear completely from his body, he is now at peace again, until he wakes up, maybe he wont remember anything, maybe he wont want to believe it, maybe he tries to do it again, and maybe he'll be scared to.

as he opens his eyes slowly he notices something in the atmosphere changed, it was heavier now, so heavy that mitaro just began passing out again "oh damn" an unknown voice says with noticeable disappointment, mitaro is falling asleep still but he tries to question what that voice was.

he wakes up again.

"was it all just a dream? 

did i even wake up in the first place, why am i still alive, i slit my throat im sure of it, but it isn't cut at all, what about all the pain.. was it real..? no surely not id be dead..."

questions are raised with literally no answers, his body knows the incident is real but his mind doesn't believe it.

"ill just get out of here" mitaro stands up his body still weak from all the sleeping "need to get my sword back" he walks away leaving the grass with the shape of his body.