Venting: Family Issues and how I feel about them

I'm making this blog once again to express what I don't.

I'm really tired of listening to my parents (Mother and Stepfather) yell and argue all the time, everyday, every single fucking day.

Today for example, I was having dinner with them, along with my little sister who is like, 4 or 5 years old or something. My sister started to behave really disgusting and annoying, like, throwing the food bc she didn't want this or that. and also eating and chewing with her mouth open, which started to my mom yelling at her. and my sister still ignored her. which caused my stepfather to yell at her. Really loud

My mom wanted to punish her and give her some discipline, but my stepfather didn't. So they started arguing for hours.

My mom says that my stepfather (and his family which are the ones who take care of my sister when they are both working) are spoiling her too much. But then my father says that my mom punishes my sister a lot and shouldn't be so rude.

They end up arguing and yelling at each other, my stepfather doesn't want to listen and yells a lot as loud as fuck, and my mom just stays silent and when she talks, she says the most disgusting  fucking rude words possible, which really hurt him.

In some way, that's why I don't like my sister, because of how much problems she gives to my parents, and me.

Before she was born, my family was really different in a good way, we had money, patience, silence and peace.

Now they yell everyday because of her. they wake up at midnight because my sister started to cry in bed just because. They spend a lot of money because of her, they give her toys and a lot of attention, and my sister stills screams and cries everytime. I'm tired of those cries.

Since the daily yelling and screams of my sister, It's really hard for me to ask for something in the house. I got to wait or interrupt the discussion, just to ask my mom anything. Even tho they don't complain about me interrupting the discussion, it still feels bad, like, I perfectly know that I'm interrupting something, and I feel like I'm gonna get beaten up if I keep interrupting.

My Father always cries about this, and feels really bad, and my mom just wants to divorce. but they both know that It would be really hard to move on if they divorce

Also, I feel kinda bad everyday, to see their faces, and knowing that today might be the same.

I used to ask for my mom's attention when I was younger, but since my sister was born, my mom pays attention only to her. Because "I don't bother". Now I don't like my mom's attention, and In some way I try to avoid it, because I feel like I might bother her, or I feel like she only pays attention to me when I bother her, just as my sister do. I know it's not like that, but I can't stop feeling like it.

{That's one of the reasons of why I don't like going to therapy and the psychiatrist, I feel like I'm making my mom bother to pay those. I tell her that It's not necessary and I don't want, but she insists, and I know it's the best for me, but I feel like It does not belong to me or concern me}

Man, I just wish my family was a lot quieter and peaceful, it's annoying having to mute myself during gaming so my friends won't listen to those screams and complaints