can't quit from web | #2

I did basically everything that could prepare me and my devices to live more off the grid. Now I'm stuck watching videos and searching web on what else could I still do, which kinda defeats the whole point of trying to detox. Because sure I'm not using mainstream apps anymore, and I don't consume short form content, but I still spend most of my time online, except I do it with a justification of doing "research".

I have no idea of how to function without internet. Ever since I was 12 or 13 years old I used it everyday. There's probably nothing I could possibly do to break that habit without implementing any drastic changes to my lifestyle, which is simply not affordable for me right now.

In the following days I plan on doing some small creative projects to occupy my brain in an entertaining way. It's hard to determine anymore whether indulging in hobbies makes me fulfilled or lonely. It's a bit like every time I want to get invested into one thing, I lose another. It's hard to find balance, especially with crisping anxiety right around the corner, telling me about all the stuff I'll miss out and the friends that will abandon me if I change my habits and manage my time differently.

I sincerely hope my life will change in some way once I move out to college. I always believed the thing I lack the most is community - the feeling of belonging somewhere, and physically seeing and interacting with people. That's exactly what I've found at volunteering opportunities. I occasionally get the taste of how life should be like. Now I want to chase that feeling so it can become daily reality. At it's core it's really sad to think that most of my mental health issues were caused by simply being born in a poorly communicated location.