Pain of Love

I've tried and tried to get rid of you from my mind, but it's nearly impossible to rid you of my blood, soul, everything that makes me up. It hurts knowing you don't feel the same. You don't love me, but I love you so much. It's disgusting how much love I give you. You discard me but I can't stop. I want to find my peace and part from this, but there's something in you that keeps me locked. Something you have or do that I don't believe anyone else could. Every passing day, I want to confess how I feel but I don't know how. I fear ruining what we have, or whatever we have left. We're fading away, I can feel it. I feel you pushing away from me. I've never been in so much pain. My heart feels so heavy knowing you're trying to get rid of me. I wish I could do the same with you, but for some reason it's impossible. You were truly my first love. I disgust myself. It's over before we even began. You speak of wanting someone to love and to receive love from. I am right here, giving you everything and you turn away. You cause so much pain and frustration. I guess I do it to myself and you don't even know. I imagine us together, laughing, singing, driving, kissing, hugging. Imagining what it feels like to have your warm skin against mine in a way no one has ever been with me. In ways that are so intimate and close. Ways I've never allowed anyone to get close to. I save these, myself, for you. Everything I do is for you. You're in my head from the moment my eyes open in the morning till the moment my eyes close at night. Hoping, I'll bump into you at a store or restaurant. Just to see you again. But the more time I spend lingering on this, the more pain I cause to myself. I need to move on. You have moved on, left me. And I'm latched to you like an annoying leech. I feel you are trying to pry me off you. I stick and stay. But I cannot live like this anymore. I'm no longer living for me, it's all for you. Every breath, movement, word, everything is perfectly designed for you. But I need to let you go. You deserve someone that loves you unconditionally, but it hurts knowing it will not be me. It won't be me wiping your tears or making you laugh. It won't be me you see walking down the aisle, with the white lace of a veil trailing on the floor. Another woman will see you cry those happy tears and hear you say "I do". But by this time, I should have or will walk down the aisle for a man that reactions the same as you, but it's not you.