a reflection of my life as an artist

For over 1.5 years, I've spent a lot of time creating music that I inevitably became desensitized to due to the amount of energy it takes to "complete" a project (for reference: it took me 9 months to finish a 4 minute song!). I have completely neglected and forgotten some of my past works, only to stumble across it months - years later and feel such a feeling of accomplishment and honor for my past selves.
I listen to my tracks over and over until I am suffering from mild forms of tinnitus, so naturally I get burnt out and give it a break. As I'm writing this, I've just simultaneously experienced each moment that led me to creating the song, and I instantly was overwhelmed with the urge to cry. Before it was anything else, it was a dedication to, and a revere for my younger self. It is his empowerment. It is our proposal for a clean transition before death into a child-like state of joy and unfiltered whim that contact has been lost with for so long. I looked death in the face, uncontrollably sobbing and gasping for air, while the only thing comforting me was the gram that I'd purchased off the internet. I literally had no one to call and nowhere to go. The feelings I had leading up to that night would be impossible to explain, Like there was a heavy , pitch-black aura pressing down on me as I lie uncomfortably at night, utterly defeated. The misery is still incomprehensible to me. By any means, that outcome has to be avoided. That is the meaning of my work.

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