vent (tw ig: suicide)

Why the Hell am I always left out. I feel like all my irl friends hate me. Reasons are as follows:

1. They have a bunch of inside jokes with each other that I'm not allowed to know because its a "long story" even when I've got time
2. They have this group call that they do every night, that I'm not allowed on for some reason. They're always talking about it in front of me, and when I ask to be added, they dismiss it.
3. There have been multiple birthday parties recently where everyone in our friend group is invited but me. And they also seem comfortable enough to talk about them in front of me.
4. They get quiet when I walk in the room. Like when they're with each other and I walk in, they barely talk to me.

I don't know. I thought for once my life with friends was looking up. But no of course. My boyfriend is also in the psych ward and will be for another month. So I can't talk to him. Ive deadass been on my own for two days. Nobody to fucking talk to at all. My meds haven't been working at all. My family is getting evicted and I'm also getting a restraining order against my dad. And nobody has even cared to ask. I have no one. Every day is so dull. And nobody fucking cares. I feel like offing myself but I don't even think I have enough energy for that. It isn't like anyone would care if that happened either.

Sorry chat, that wasn't very 'rawr XD' of me but life is kicking my ass lately.