Short Story: Misophonic Silence

The sounds were violent, threatening. They made my skin crawl just like nails down a chalkboard.
I always try to stop reacting in the way I do, but my body doesn’t listen to me.

I sound arrogant when I would ask someone to breathe quieter. It’s such an odd request, something that makes people rightfully either annoyed by you, or angry at you.
So I use noise cancelling earbuds, no sound to play through them, they just silence things.
But sometimes it’s just not enough.

I can’t help when my body starts going into a panic, when it starts shaking and my heart starts pounding.
It’s not about politeness when I ask you to chew with your mouth closed, it’s about the sound of it.

What’s worse is when people know you have this issue, and they do it on purpose
When you ask someone to not make a weird sound for no reason and they don’t stop.
It feels like they’re doing it on purpose. I don’t understand it.

Even though I know I'm being the different one, It hurts.
No matter how selfish I feel.

I don’t want to be a problem, but I’ve come to understand I am.
It always seems like it affects everyone else more than me.

But I’m sick of having to blare music through my headphones until people have to yell at me to get my attention.
I’m sick of having to always hear the world muffled and distant.
I’m sick of having to run out of a room because it’s too much.

They say exposure is treatment, but it’s not how they tell you.
You don’t just sit down next to someone who freaks you out with the noises they make, you need a professional to talk you through it and judge the situation.

But I don’t have that.
So I live in a silenced world, music my only hope.
But sometimes even the music is too much.

Sometimes you just need a room with no sound, just for a second alone.

Until that too, becomes too much.