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heads up!
(sound of candy box smashing against your face)
aw, man. i thought you were gonna catch it...
happy Valentine's Day!
how are you doing? i hope decently. i understand this holiday makes some people miserable. i guess i can see why, even if i can't relate--the happiness of others can really feel like it's being rubbed in your face sometimes.
especially in context of relationships...
well, i mentioned in my last blog that i'd save my experiences with love in the past for a February blog. here i am!
... what, you thought i'd forget?
i know i don't post or sniff around as much as i used to, but i still think about this place!
i know i don't post or sniff around as much as i used to, but i still think about this place!
i gotta post more. maybe i'll make it a ritual? don't worry about it.. expect something at least once a month. that'll do!
well, let me get to the point.
i've only really had one relationship that was official. my other close encounters were things like situationships or mutual crushes that didn't go anywhere.
... and they've all been online.
yeah, yeah, i know. rough. don't worry though, i never ended up catfished at least. these were all trusted friendships that went in strange ways.
that one "real" relationship was several years ago back when i was a dumb teenager that acted dumb. i was confessed to by a close female friend at the time, and i decided to go with it. we talked about dumb crap and got mushy for a while, but several months later i suddenly had a panic attack about the fact that i was in a relationship and said that i had to break it off.
in hindsight, i take this as some kind of sign that i just wasn't ready yet. the pressure of... having a girlfriend... was enough to make the teenager version of me fold. wow. she didn't pressure me into anything or anything, she was only the sweetest to me! i just didn't want to be tied down yet or something. i don't know what i was thinking.
i almost immediately tried to take it back the next day when i came to my senses, but she declined. frankly, i'm glad she did, because i was really good at being weird and kinda dickish and nothing else. she'd already been through a lot, she didn't need to try putting up with the younger me of all people as a boyfriend. we stopped talking for a good while after that. after a year or so i want to say, i did mention how much i'd changed, and she seemed proud of me. after that, we never spoke again. i still wonder how she's doing sometimes--since to me she's still a friend. i may never know, though, so it just has to be left alone.
from there it's been a rocky road. not one nearly as sweet as the ice cream flavor.
each time i end up in some kind of mutual... thing, not necessarily a relationship but a bit more than just friendship, i feel like i muck it up somehow. i say the wrong thing, do something without realizing it, excitement gets the best of me... you get the idea.
i'm glad it never ends messily. i'm still friends with the people i've been through this with. i just don't know how i'll get that chance, but i know i will someday!
that's the last part. i wanted to mention that in spite of everything, i still have hope. and you should too! even if love ends up beating the crap out of you, something will come for you eventually. it may take a long time, it may be unexpectedly soon, it could even be brewing right now and you'd never know until it smacks you like a two-ton bus!
the best love you'll get will end up forming naturally. at least, that's what i believe.. love has to kind of evolve, you know? if you wanna be lovers, you gotta be friends.
i'll say this at the end, though: don't let misery overwhelm you. you're better than that! don't become jealous or angry at others just because they found that kind of happiness before you did. that attitude just means it'll take you longer and longer to get there.
that's all i have to offer. i'll post again some other time. i don't know when... but i know we'll meet again! i'd say on a sunny day to finish the lyrics, but it's not really sunny here.
just remember that i support you,
- s
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itrhld
> the best love you'll get will end up forming naturally. at least, that's what i believe.. love has to kind of evolve, you know? if you wanna be lovers, you gotta be friends.
indeed i do believe so too!
talking about my personal experience... i wasn't expecting this year's to be a great valentine's day for me. yet, it got to be the best of my entire life (until now, i hope)! because lots of the people i've befriended online used it as an opportunity to show their love to their friends! i got to wish a nice valentine to them, and it was the cutest possible thing ever!
as long as friendship embraces transparency, i will always think of it as the purest form of love. if something romantic (and truthful!) also gets to happen, then we'll take that and bring it home as well
transform a consumerist holiday made for labeled lovers into an opportunity to show everyone all the love that your heart preserves. and you'll be the happiest, despite of what society would want from you!
honestly, really cool way to celebrate the holiday! and an interesting outlook to boot.
glad to hear you had a happy valentine's, and happy belated valentine's to you as well!
by shalomeslime; ; Report
itrhld
> my other close encounters were things like situationships or mutual crushes that didn't go anywhere.
... and they've all been online.
yeah, yeah, i know. rough. don't worry though, i never ended up catfished at least. these were all trusted friendships that went in strange ways.
oh okay so i'm not the only one lol
this kinda stuff happens--relationships are complex.
you'll never really be the only one, don't worry!
by shalomeslime; ; Report
:,,, thanks!
by itrhld; ; Report
itrhld
HAPPY LATE VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU MAN