i'm artistic but not creative.

I always feel like I have no creativity. I may be artistic, but I'm not creative. 

Every time I go on Pinterest and see all these incredible, talented people, whether it's in dance, music, drawing, film, fashion, or whatever, I always feel like I'm nothing compared to them, and I can't come up with my own ideas. Every time I finally feel like I have a good idea, I see someone else's work and realize that mine sucks. I try to tell myself that for some of them, it's literally their job and I'm just a 15-year-old teenager, but I can't help wishing I was more like them. More talented. I always think to myself: I wish I had hair like hers, I wish I could sing like them, I wish I could dress like him... No matter what artistic field I'm in, I always feel like I'm not good enough, even if people compliment me on what I've done. It's never good enough. I always want to improve, knowing that younger me would already be so impressed with my progress since then.

 It's not even jealousy,it's just that I feel like I don't know how to do sht and always need references for everything I do, whether it's inspiration for my outfits, drawing, or decorating my room. I always find other people's ideas better than my own. 

I just wish i could be more everything. 

I just never seem to be able to make myself proud. I always find myself “mid” because, yeah, sure, what I did was good, but there's probably someone who did much better. I can do lots of things, but I feel like I'm average in every single ones of them. Every time I'm finally satisfied with what I've done, I see something that reminds me that there are people who are much better than me. And I hate being so hard on myself, also because people think I'm fishing for compliments when in reality, I'm just insecure and it eats me up from the inside. The problem is that even though I know no one is, I'm not perfect and that drives me crazy.

It makes me sick.

Another thing is that I find it really hard to put my thoughts and feelings into words or to assimilate and understand them, so, when I draw or paint for example, I find it very difficult to represent them on a piece of paper or canvas, and that's (partly) why I became interested in the world of cinema, because I find it much easier to represent my feelings through a story and characters that I have created entirely myself, from A to Z.