Why do i feel my own happiness is unsual? and other things..

Hello yall, how ya doing? Im doing prettyyy good, just wanted to share some thoughts. This last month has been so good it makes me idk..anxious? As i told you before, im going to college rn (university(? cant tell the difference but idc), studying animation ,and i have meet SOO many people, not to be corny but, people i have dreamed to meet? Like, there are some classmates that are not really my cup of tea but theyre just two so its alr, but the other ones in my class? The friends and classmates i have always dreamed of! 

Im doing things i never thought i would do, and i LIKE it, and I KNOW things are just starting bc its not that my life changed drastically lol, im still your normal loser in on his bedroom 24/7, but i like how things are going. But i cannot shake the feeling of guiltness? Anxiety? The feeling something bad is going to happen? Idk..i think is bc i have never been more myself than this last few weeks,and i havent even STARTED, so im scared to screw things up? IDKKK UGH Im still closeted abt the fact that im trans with so many people in my life, and that makes me anxious, im working on it tho, im working on my confidence, my strength, my courage, so i really hope i will be totally  out by the end of this year, bc i HATE being nervous or feeling vulnerable abt it, i hate making my voice higher bc im nervous, i want to change that so so bad.

Also, i have been a people pleaser FOR A WHILE, and i have been sick of it, so ive started to learn that you dont have to be friends with EVERYBODY, just respect everyone and everything will be alr. I want to be more authentic with myself, but being a people pleaser always stopped me: what if this person doesnt like what i say? or how i think? or how i act? or how i dress? UGHHH SCREW IT FOR FUCKS SAKE!!! I WILL be myself, unapologetically. 

I think i have been gifted with so many people in my life, my friends are all so cool! Thats the only thing i treasured abt highschool, nothing more. I still need to be more myself with this new people, but trust me, 14 year old me would never think i could do everything im doing now, so im doing good, the process going good :) I like what im doing with my life, but i know i can do so much more, and im working on it, and that makes me happy. As i said, 13-14 me wouldnt believe any of this, i rather be a stranger to others than with myself.

Allons-y!

p.d: im also incredibly obssesed with vox from hazbin hotel, i got my nails done and their inspired on him? Help me pls.I cannot believe myself but oh my gooood, christian borle the MAN YOU AREEEE UGHHHH.I even revived my 2023 hh oc like what the hell ,wdym i like this corny ahh musical UNIRONICALLY. Anyways long live radiostatic n murdermedia. Like that tv made my art style better like WHAAAT. 

2nd pd: I working on my yt channel, ill start posting abt my art (and also probably an analog horror type shi thingy? idk maybe for next year lmao) soon!!! (i hope)

3rd pd: I GOT MY HAIR DYED BLUEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM BLUEEE DABADEEEDABADAEEEE