i know you're not the best with words but // you need to think before you speak

growing up in a poor family ethic and still actively being raised in one is something that's synonymous with many people across the world; it's a sincere rare sight to see a nuclear family nowadays that's authoritative and healthy, and this 'trauma' for lack of a better word is a common denominator across the world currently. 

to give it one perspective, i have to use a pretty farfetched analogy: 

one century ago, many mental illnesses were not seen as mental illnesses, but a construct to ostracize and separate the socially unacceptable from the acceptable, many people did not know what they were dealing with, so they simply hosed them down, tied them down and gave electroshock therapy, never quite in that order. people did not know what they were dealing with, what they were working with, and resorted to unusual methods to manage things they were afraid of, things that did not align into the perfect world they fantasized and lied to themselves about until it was the truth to them.

now, one century later, we've traded the silence of the unknown for a blaring omnipresence to the suffering everywhere; mental illnesses have grown in their known premise, now everyone knows what major depressive disorder is, what the autism spectrum is and how it engraves itself into the characters of the afflicted, now mental disorder is everywhere, self-diagnosed, properly analyzed, and homologous to many, yet it never touches the few

some are destined to have pure sunshine and butterflies, while so many of the rest of us have to crouch back and weather what should not be weathered, brave the seas that shouldn't have this tempest towards us, or for me, carry the weight of a thousand sins unbelonging to me upon my back; i can't help but have pure avarice towards those who had their beautiful childhood, had their great relations with their family. i would cross any heart and pay any retribution just so at the end of the day i could say i grew up with the admiration of a mother, of the respect and nobility of a father, and this is not an unsung hardship for just me, it is for every other soul who has to be berated by the weight of the world, who never got to shine because their deprivation of sensation led to their devastation

i myself am on an inevitable path to an encumbering doom and once it claims me i will be another tribute to the point i stand for today, one can only understandably envy the beauty of being brought into a grateful world, being brought into a loving world where you had others to teach you instead of take from you when you had barely anything to give to begin with