I can't stand to be alive

i cant stand to be alive, and its clear that no one can stand me. So why am i even here. What is the point of living if not to be loved or used. I can't even love myself. I'm not even worthy of being used. I have no purpose, whether selfish or selfless, to be alive. Not even my own mother loves me. She says I'm useless and that I should be embarrassed. I don't want to be alive why am I even typing this whne no one will ever mourn menot even my friends care and i know that i stand for communication but i shouldnt have to ask for them to text me first when they can talk to their other friends just fine i dont understand why i should even be preserved im just some defect ruining the living experience for everyone else