How to be happy?

I had a discussion with my male friend group about my insecurities, how I compare myself to others and how I genuinely believe I could become mentally stronger and even physically more attractive.

Quick introduction: Hi guys, I’m 22, I work at a gym, and I’m studying fitness finance at university. I’m constantly surrounded by healthy-looking, muscular people, and if I want to become a respected professional and earn commissions in my future job… you guessed it: I need to look the part too.

I won’t go too deep into my approach, but long story short, they didn’t approve of it. Instead, they wanted to lecture me about it.

And my comparisons don’t stop at the physical side. I compare entire lives: Who is more intelligent? Who has a healthier relationship with their parents or partner? Who is more attractive? Who is taller? I know it’s not a healthy way of thinking, but I can’t stop. I’ve seriously tried. I even deleted all social media for a while, and it did nothing.

My best friend is 190 cm (6’2”). I’m 175 cm (5’9”). Statistically, he has more chances to be desired by women than I do and it shows. He earns more because he works at a bank, has a better relationship with his parents, and right now he seems to be in the happiest phase of his life because he found his soulmate on Hinge.

Don’t get me wrong I love him and I truly want the best for him. And I hate to say this, but honestly… sometimes I wish I could be superior at least in one thing. Just something to reassure me that I’m on the same level as my friend group and not below them. I know that sounds pathetic, but anyway…

Now, about the “becoming happy” part: How—like genuinely how am I supposed to become happy when my mind is constantly comparing me to others?

And please say something original. Don’t hit me with the “comparison is the thief of joy” line I’ve already engraved it into my bones. I don’t want to hear generic stuff like “go outside,” “enjoy your own company,” or “just stop comparing yourself to others.” I swear I’m at such a loss for options that one of my friends even called me out for my mental state:

“You’re starting to get on my nerves especially because it’s been going on for a long time. We’re all showing you ways to get out of this mental state, and you won’t take them.”

That honestly felt like a kick in the balls, because I’ve had really dark thoughts about ending it for months and even years before.

I have to admit: I’m not in therapy. I’m too afraid of my social status and what others might say about me.

I just don’t know anymore.