i have... returned?

well this is awkward.

i made this account 6 months ago and promptly abandoned it, but surely this time will be different...right? RIGHT? no probably not. but i still have fun during these short bursts of internet fixation, so i'll ride the wave when it comes i guess.

i was going to delete my first (last) post out of embarrassment but mmmeh. what's the harm in leaving it up, honestly. maybe someone will get a kick out of it.

i guess i could use this post as an opportunity to update on my life in the past 6 months but that would just be depressing! the biggest thing is my best friend/ex-sister-in-law (who basically raised me...don't ask) finally moving to thailand, which has been her dream since forever. it's very bittersweet. she left not even a week ago (it will be 1 week on sunday) and i think i've just been trying to keep myself distracted so i don't have to feel sad about her being gone. if you've looked into my profile at all it's no secret that i'm an anti-social shut-in, and i don't have many any friends. i'm sure this isn't a revelatory experience, but i very rarely feel understood, even (or i guess especially) by those closest to me. i feel like i have to work 10x harder to make a connection with anyone, but i know that's not really the case, not in the way i think it is. i may have poorer social skills than most but that doesn't mean i have to kill myself trying to make friends. yes, i should go out into the world more and put in the effort and give my social skills the opportunity to actually develop, but i don't need to fundamentally change who i am to make friends, because that'll probably attract the wrong friends. basically, my point is that my best friend is the only person who has completely understood me, and i worry that her and our friendship are one of a kind. which, of course they are, but i guess it's just hard for me to believe there are other people like me and her when i feel like an alien around everyone else. sooo the solution is locking yourself away in a tower for 5 years and not even giving yourself the comfort of long hair? i guess so.

idk man. it's almost 6 am and i've been up since 3 in the morning. meant to go back to bed after i finished updating this laptop but then...well here i am. here we are? if ur up and ur reading this uhhh hi! how have the past 6 months been for you? add me if ur cool and we can be cool together :p