Asexuality

Recently I've been thinking to myself if I'm asexual or not, I'm not necessarily attracted to a lot of people in an orthodox way.

Maybe Highschool kinda ruined my perception on people, but every time I try to open myself up or like try to get into a relationship it always ends up with me being taken advantage of, or forgotten about. When I do find myself attracted to somebody its not in a sexual manner its a protective manner, I dont want to see them get hurt or face anything bad. But because of this protection I also can't find myself in a relationship with them half of the time, because I know for a fact there's better people out there. And the people I do find myself in a relationship with take advantage of my kindness.

Im stuck in a middle-ground in a world that strips me down of everything, I want someone to live for but I can't stand the idea of someone living for me, I want someone to take from me, but I dont want them to take advantage of me.

I realize my expectations are impossible, and after so long I'm really starting to get used to being alone, I prefer it and friendships begin to become more important to me. Blessing in disguise maybe? But I still feel like im ignoring a very important need.