life update

Hi im feeling crazy recently. this year has been so trash so far but 2026 IS MY YEAR I SWEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ive had a crush on this guy at work and i think he reciprocates idk... thats what im told....... this is the first time this has happened to me so im excited but im scared hes gonna be like super weird and scary under the surface but i think thats just my past fears of men and im trying to do exposure therapy sooooooooooo but yeah i work w him tomorrow and i hope it goes well. i thought he hated my ass honestly every time i try to talk to him it seems like he doesnt care but IDK i dyed my hair last week and he said it looked great so yeaah. i just think hes so cute like seriously idk i hope he reciprocates and nobodies fucking with me!!! LOL. it was my brothers 21st yesterday and that sucked. i think these past few months have just made me hate my family and i feel bad saying that but i mean they let my brother abuse me my entire childhood and they didnt do anything so whatever i guess. last month he threw a towel soaked in piss on my bed after i went to work and it soaked into all of my bed stuff completely and i just cant take it anymore i hate this house and i hate my family they all disgust me and i cant stand them. i feel bad saying that but its true i cant stand the way they are and i never want to be like them. anyways i dyed my hair red and it looks sooooo good and ive been ordering a lot of clothes online i just bought this dress and im scared its gonna be like a potato sack on me but this skirt i just ordered fits me like a glove i was surprised i thought it would be tight but its so comfortable. i think its a mixture of depression and recent trauma but ive been so dissociated recently like i barely feel alive some days. oh and my car absolutely killed itself on the way to work last month. my ENTIRE FUCKING ENGINE EXPLODED!!!! we had to buy a whole new one and im gonna install it with my dad soon but i havent had a car so im also getting cabin fever and clawing at the walls ............ SAVE ME SAVE ME i really hope that guy likes me i think hes so cute i told my coworker i liked him and she laughed in my face which i thought was really rude but i didnt stand up for myself. shes been my wing woman shout out her im not gonna name her tbh but shes my goat. i cant stop thinking about him its making me feel insane like idk.... i havent had a crush this bad in a while but if he does like me back idk what to do jaxx was so easy but this guy is so awkward we both are. my coworker came in with his friend and i caught his friend staring at me so i smiled at him because i also knew him in high school we rode the bus together. well anyways my coworker came out and while i was hitting his vape he told me his friend wanted my number because "he liked the way i smiled at him"..... DUDE when i knew him in high school he was always staring at me idk i never saw him after that i left like 10 minutes later but idk. another thing is the other day my coworkers were talking about this one guy we work with who is honestly not my type but hes a nice guy and hes fun to talk to and they were being so mean!!!! they kept calling him super ugly and saying that he breathes weird and he smells and i was just like hes a human being!!! why are you like this!! hes so fun to talk to he knows a lot about movies and shit and hes more conversation than some of my coworkers honestly. ive been that person and its not fun to have people talk like that about you and also both of those people are like 17... worry about something else man. anyways i have therapy in 30 minutes and my brother just got home so idk what im doing for that but yeah  im ending this.. Goodbye I Love You.