musings on queer spaces

something ive been thinking about a lot recently is the quality of queer spaces in my city n stuff. of course im a minor so i havent expirienced the majority of it
(most queer programs in my city are adults only, which kind of sucks) but the ones for youth are kinda sad.
i dont get along with most of the people at these because, well, they're "woker" then me and i HATE using that term but it gets really annoying when you're talking
about your expiriences with drugs and everyone looks at you like you're an alien. queer kids around me are such goody two shoes and it kind of pisses me off
because they have this superiority complex over me. that oh, ive never done drugs, so im better than you!! im cleaner!!! when thats the exact type of rhetoric
that was used to put down queer people for a long time. idk im not making any sense here i just wish the people around me were nicer about my drug problem


another thing that annoys me is terms like "neurospicy" being used by fellow queer folks to die down the suffering i face when it comes to my autism and adhd.
i do NOT like my issues being turned into cutesy shit like that, turned into just a joke. i have suffered at the hand of my disorders and having someone say
"are u neurospicy lol" dies down the suffering and is just plain insensitive.
idk i feel like im being so unwoke by saying this, i'll probably refine these thoughts later. i just wish i wasnt treated the way i was by spaces that are
supposed to be safe for me


the heart of this rant is this ONE GIRL I KNOW. OH MY GOD. when i initally had my mental breakdown fall of last year i came back to the youth group shortly after
and she just. Ugh. "Traumadump on me!!!" I mean im going to but fuck you. shes so annoying she always makes jokes about my height. calls me "tiny" when ive told her
that my boundaries (which people at this youth group just love to harp on everyone but her for breaking) are that i don't want my height to be made fun of because im
insecure about it. u know what this bitch says? what her big brain conjures up? "but u are small! im just stating a fact!" SHUT UP BRUH OIHHHHHHH MY GOOOOOOOOD


this blog post has been a lot of unrelated thoughts slammed together but there is something thats a huge problem in the queer community and thats the silencing of black
queer peoples expiriences. and old friend of mine who i had a nasty falling out with said this, but at least the queer spaces in my community are insanely white and
unfriendly to poc. theres a phenomena of white people using their queerness to hide their own racism, almost to make themself innocent, and though i have some problems
with how the original theory is used to deny queer people of any suffering they may expirience (i have to think on that more, if thats even and issue) i will not use
that belief to deny queer spaces of their undeniable racism. im white, so i can't say much, but if any poc want to come in the comments and speak of their expirience
id love for you to speak on it.


as a final note, i'll say this post has also been crossposted on spacehey!!! this might just be for reaches sake, though...i don't use traditional social media anymore so.
love, gurogabber!
currently listening to: sick of it! by spellcasting
mood: annoyed