Hi loves !! I just arrived in the mental hospital for my first day here, i have so much to tell !! 

Arriving : 

They were super kind, i was traumatized because of my past time in another mental hospital where the nurses were super rude so i'm glad i finally found peoples who don't yell at me. The nurse here was explaining to me slowly what is going to happend and asked me before touching me or taking my suplies 

Unpacking my bellongings : 

Since i did alot of suicidal things, i was obligated to open my bagages infront of them and they took all my cables and also some of my makeup, dress and accessories. I'm kinda sad cause i can't charge my phone, my computer or my switch, i need to go to the nurse office everytime. But anyways, they also took away my bags and headphones, so there will be 0 risk. 

Lunch time : 

For those who already know me they know i have an eating disorder, so i told it to them but they told me to go anyways to the lunch time. I accepted and i suddenly feeled anxiety and disgust when i saw the food. I did a panick attack and after a moment, i runed away to the nurses offices.

They don't know yet how to make me eat but for diner they will bring the food in my room and they made special food for me with what i like so i wont be disgusted. But i don't know if it's gonna work. 

People : 

I'm only with the old people, the place with people of my age is full but that's okay because it's soft and calm. The comunity room is so cool because it has alot of windows and a fire place.

I met a girl named Emma, she has the same age as me so we talked a bit before lunch, after i calmed down and put some stuff in the closet i meeted her again to make bracelets, i did one for my stramberry plushie !! 

For the moment : 

I found the room cool, even if i can't open any window i have a free tv and also free fridge. I'm happy about that. I don't want to go outside anymore for the moment, it was alot for me since i have 3 panick attack today and a dissociation phase with bad memories. 

1) Panick attack for food 

2) Because they were a loud noise and it reminded me of a trauma

3) Because i dissociated to much and i didn't knew where i was 

Will tell you how this night will be !! See you tomorrow guys xoxo <33 ;)