do blogs make people feel less terrible?

i’ve been on spacehey for almost a year, but i haven’t really been active at all. i checked out a close friend of mine’s blogs and i’m like, maybe i should start writing blogs on spacehey. i don’t really know how often i would be able to, since it often goes down where i live for some reason or other, but i can try to do it consistently. i’ve tried to write about stuff before, but it usually ends up with me ripping it to shreds and throwing it away due to cringe or just seeing it as unnecessary. but i will try to dedicate myself on improving my social life…

     tw ???

i don’t mean to be overly negative, but my entire life have just been terrible. i won’t go into detail, but every five seconds i feel like puking my guts out and ripping all my skin off. i don’t feel like a human, and everything i do feels like i’m watching someone else do it. i feel like if i were to be opened up, there would just be wires and nothing else. being with friends i feel is one of the only things that make me truly happy, but i always push them away because i don’t want to burden them. so instead, i’m really distant and just being with friends can be a challenge because i feel so guilty. i can’t talk to anyone about it either because i just completely lack communication skills and don’t want to seem like a pathetic loser. 

     no more tw, keep reading

maybe there is a possibility, just a chance, that if i were to blog, even if it’s just “it’s so cold outside!” or “i can’t wait for tomodachi life: living the dream!” i can be better? just to get my thoughts out there in general, even if it’s something shallow. i’d like to be normal and learn how to communicate, because if i can, i can finally relieve myself of all the terrible things within me without issues.

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