Why i should stay alive (a note to myself)

As far as i can remember, i always thought wouldn't live past 18.

It wasn't that i wanted to die, it was just logical that i couldn't be an adult. As i approached that age, i got scared. I couldn't imagine a future for myself. So i tried to end it multiple times.

Im almost 21 now. I still want to end everything regularly. I still hurt myself (one month clean btw yaaayy).

But as i think of everything that happened since my 18th birthday, i'm so glad to be alive. I've met such precious friends, fulfilled a childhood dream and starting to think of a possible future.

So yes it's hard to be alive, it sucks. But i'll keep fighting, for those friends, dreams, this future that im imagining, for my cat and my foal (this foal was my childhood dream) <3

For you, for me, keep fighting, keep living. It's worth it.