Life Update (bad)

So much shit has gone on.

I'm 19 now and we're in 2026.

I've spent the last two days mostly crying, I still don't know why. A friend of mine invited me to a concert Friday and I just ended up in the back of the venue crying every single tear I've ever cried before. My friend spent most of the show with me, after the show she went out to eat with some of her friends, but I just stood there in the cold streets. Among all the people that passed by and saw me, came up to my face cover in the salt of my tears and asked me for cigarettes...

After some time, I started walking away, not to go back home but I got on the tramway stop, not planning to go in it though.

A few minutes passed, maybe more, I kept crying.
Then, a homeless guy came up to me. We started talking. 

I don't really know why but I think he was the person I needed to talk to in this very moment, he was very nice. We wished each other to go for a drink someday at a better time for the both of us.

I then wanted to go back to the group of people I was here with, but they were gone. So I went back home. Had to run so fast to catch a tramway I hurt myself. And a group of party people drunk as hell in it made me sober up from my emotion, it was weird.

Once I got back at the appartement block where I live, my friend's cat was there (she's my neighbor). So I took him inside because it was freezing and he followed me anyways. On the way to my apartment I knocked on her door but she didn't answer so I took Charlie at my place and sent her a text.

I started drinking.

I never ever drink alone, but that night I did, I felt so miserable.

She ended knocking up on my door some time after and we spent a lot of the evening together even though she had a friend waiting for her at her apartment. 

The day before that one she already spent like 5hours with me cause she knew I wasn't feeling too well. I don't know why she's so nice.

And yesterday (or the day after the concert if you got lost in this weird timeline called my life) I got really sad too, and she ended up coming so she could borrow my rice cooker, she saw in what state I was and we talked a bit afterwards, she ended up changing my bed sheets, I was so embarrassed that she was doing all of this for me, I was smelling like shit since I didn't had a shower since a few days (still haven't at the time of writing this), she however told me I smelled nice and tied my hair for me. 

I stood awake until 4am that night and woke up at 9am. Spent maybe 2 or 3 hours after she left crying and fell asleep.

Now I'm writing this blog entry, 2months after my last one, came out of the dark to share my current life state. 

I'm going back to the darkness of my bedroom now.

Thx