*Sound of me hitting things*

So my computer is triple fucked in all the wrong places. I won't bore you with details, but I need to replace the hard drive. I've known this for months now, my hard drive has been hard fucked for quite a while. The problem is that I work from home, on my computer, and so I need my computer, in my home, to work. The computer is still under the biggest waranty available as I bought it pre-assembled from Best Buy about a year ago. Buying computers pre-assembled from Best Buy is cool and I don't care what anyone says.

But so if I open the case to put a hard drive in, I void the warranty. If I let them do it, they will take three weeks. That's not a hyperbole, they take my computer and ship it off to god knows where and it takes three weeks. That's how long it took to replace my optical drive. Yes, Best Buy held my computer for three weeks, because they were waiting for an optical drive to come in. I asked them if I could keep and use my computer while they waited on the optical drive. They told me no in a tone of voice you would use while talking to a four year old. What's more, I've never used my optical drive for any purpose ever in the history of anything.  You can tell this experience really had an impact on me because I'm going to bring it up in conversation randomly for the rest of my life. Fuck you.

So it's not like anybody reads my blog anyway, but this is my formal notice that Best Buy is dry humping my tower and that is why I cannot do anything remotely good or impressive or fun anymore. Also I'm sick and might be dying (read: my nose is stuffy). More tragic is that I cannot work, and even more is that I cannot look at pornography and masturbate. This will be hard for me. Or rather, it won't be hard for me, if you get my drift.

I'm talking about my erection.