lifing and log-ins

i have no clue what day of the week to do these so youre gettin em on a random day of the week (which would be a good day hmmm)

its currently  very late at night to the point its technically the morning so everything kinda doesn't feel real and isolating rn but I'm sure thisll pass when i get some sleep whichll be in....i have no clue bc I'm going down an accidental memory lane.

it all started bc i found out somebody has been using my email for an account on scratch and this is HIGHLY confusing. and a little scary. did i make it and forget? (dementia scares are getting increasingly frequent) was it by a friend i let borrow my email? was there a mistake? gosh i have 0 idea. anyway this lead me to checking out a bunch of old accounts i made. one of which i made a video protesting against the use of AI in scratch which somehow kind of blew up???? while i was gone, a TON of messages mostly agreeing with it, some were very nice things to say to me, a few of them were asking if i was even still alive ( i haven't touched this account in years) inside my not uploaded content i found an essay writing about how i haven't interrelated with scratch in ages and how I've changed so much since then, and even THAT was 2 years old??? ALREADY??? i ended up adding more, and i really have changed even more. i didn't think i did until i found this. strange, it feels like the past 5-ish years are going by faster than anything, like the trends of today. maybe that contributes to it. (i don't just mean SM trends, even trends you see in the real world don't really stick anymore, and everyone's just clawing to the past, trying to bring back old trends and jokes and everything really and everyone yaps about  how great it was back then instead of trying to make something new, which is what made the past so original and interesting and cool. anyway I'm going off topic!

funny enough i have several scratch accounts over the ears, one of them i made some scratch aesthetics (if yk yk) and another i used for rlly weird videos and with that acc i worked on a game/visual novel with someone at some point. looking back its awesome and i really wish it  was still going (I'm not entirely sure it is, i haven't heard of any updates in a long, long time.) i redrew some of the characters from it bc GOODNESS my old art was so different, and it was only 2 years ago!!

my old friends don't think I've changed at all. that might be why were growing apart. im glad. they were good people but they were not good friends. i did everything for them and they just left when i needed help. and i have changed, thank you very much. despite the horrible things they say about me, and what they seem to think i am. I'm really sad that they think those things, but i cant sit there and drown in it forever. i have new and better friends now, and its going to be okay. right? i sure hope so. i really really pray it wont be a repeat of, that. its already happened all the other times i made friends. this has to be different. please, god.

(the insomnia's rlly getting to me now i apologize for the random venting)

on the bright side I'm getting to play trumpet in an auditorium soon! and im kinnnda getting more consistent here! thank you for reading btw!!!

all the best wishes, hugs, and kisses!

- j♫

(also listen to ocean breathes salty by modest mouse, that reminds me i RLLY gotta update my vinyl thingy in my profile)