Convinced love is a lie

I thought I loved a guy, but I’m now in this weird awkward zone where I do not want him in that way, but I also cannot lose him.

I don’t miss kissing him, but I miss having someone to kiss. I don’t miss his touch, but I miss having been touched (don’t sexualize that, I just didn’t know how else to word it).

I keep thinking I’m in love, but when it’s over I realize it was closer to admiration with a subtle touch of obsession.

Actually, as I’m writing this I’m realizing maybe I did love him? Maybe I do love him??

He texted me and I still need to reply. I don’t know if I want to, but I texted him first so I suppose I shall…

He told me where I stand with him, but honestly it feels like he didn’t mean it. I’m beyond confused.