9..

She said she hated lies when all she did was lie to those around her to stay alive...
She said she hated those who pretended when all she did was pretend that she's fine
and doing well...she said she hates social interactions, but she craves the connection...

She thought she had gotten over it... that it's all behind her...deep down she knew it wasn't all over, but for some reason she was hopeful and somewhat glad that it's slowly getting better...

Little did she know that she subconsciously just buried it aside and lived on her days...
until their fingers brushed and she felt it all rushing back like a tidal wave that she couldn't control
but she tried...hoping he wouldn't notice...praying he wouldn't notice the fear in her eyes, the slight tremble of her fingers as she reached for the water bottle to calm her self down the way she gulped down the water as it stuck in her throat as she felt her eyes watering in a haste pretending to get something that fell just to hide it all...just to try and keep it under control..

i layed in my bed after everything that happened, bottling everything up wasn't the brightest of ideas haha..my body finally gave in this is the 8th or even 9th day of me being sick...sick is a word i'd avoided i didn't have the time to be sick...didn't have the time to be unwell and now i'm paying the price for holding it in...and guess what no one even asked...a whole week in bed...tissue boxes empty...bedroom trashed..hair a total mess...no one asked...and i knew i always knew and yet i still hoped...is it wrong for me to hope? That maybe someone will care enough to ask about..me...me? who am i kidding...i'm really trying...i really am trying...it never seemed to be enough...but who cares i'm still trying...i don't know why but i still am...i've been slacking off here so i'll try to hop on here like i used to..for now i'll go back to fighting off the germs and bacteria and the war with tissues and mucus