dancing

good evening,

i feel like i’m not in my body. i’m not, obviously, but.. like the body i’m in doesn’t quite fit me. like the areas where my brain’s supposed to be’s just butterflies. 

i talked about butterflies earlier. i like them a lot. i wonder where they go in the winter. do they hibernate like bears? or do they die out until spring comes again? 

in a weird way, i hope it’s the latter. not that i want them dead. if only they’d last forever. but if they came and went when the seasons changed, then i’d be more like a butterfly.

that’s morbid. whatever. i’m thinking about my friends. i talked to cas earlier, and i’m supposed to talk to him again later. i miss him. i hope he misses me too. which is weird, because i just spoke to him, like, 4 hours ago, but… yeah. 

i’ve been drawing and my hands are covered in graphite. i’m sure there’s a way to prevent that, but i don’t know it, and i’m too busy to look for it. 

i look around my room and i see traces of a life that isn’t mine. i don’t know who won these medals. i don’t know which girl put stickers on my light switch. i don’t know who plays piano. i don’t know which guy annotated this book. i don’t know why i even have it. 

it’s not wholly negative. just.. bizarre. 

i’m thinking about you. you don’t think about me in the same way, but that’s okay. i could live in halloween forever, for you.

- will, 5:10, 1.26.26