Deleted vent post from my other account

Idk talking about my feelings kinda helps but I always feel so corny and don't want to annoy people so I'll just post it here don't be too concerned pls

I fucking hate my life guys its not even funny anymore like no matter qhat I do I always feel like I'm foing something wrong and that I'm a bad person which I kinda am and no matter what I do at home thete is always a reason to get mad at me. My brother isnt home anymore and now my parents need a new person to be mad at. And I just geel like such a crybaby like being sad just pisses me off so bad like just man up dude and stop crying crying wont fix anything and wont make people magically ask you if you're okay and like I'm not entitled to people helping me because I'm to akward to ask people how they feel myself which just makes me even worse of a person. Even writing this feels so fucking self centered but I guess I just have to live with being a bad person. I genuinely dont know why my friends are even friends with me cus they could do so much better but instead they are friends with me like theire life would be genuinely so much better without me it's crazy. My whole screen is full of blood bevause my finger is bleeding from picking at it ew. I'm gonna wash that away later. But like does anyone just hate themselves for being sad like there are people with worse problems I'm such a horrible being for feeling this way I cant even listen to sad songs anymore because I just feel like a corny bastard since I dont relate to everything and it's like being a man in a womens bathroom like I'm just NOT supposed to be here and I'm invading the space of the people that are ACTUALLY sad and ACTUALLY have a hard life you know. My screen looks absolutely disgusting omg. And I just feel like such a horrible human being because I want to be vegan but I'm just to much of a coward to just tell my parents because they're against it but I really want to do it but I'm just to scared which just makes such a horrible person because I cant even stand up for my own beliefs. I genuinely think I'm not allowed to call myself a leftist because it's just so hypocritical. I'm so fucking weak like I just got a 6 in p.e. because I didn't want to do the task becasue I wasn’t able to and I was just to scared like what kind of man am I? I want to be sporty so bad but can't even so a handstand and I'm so fucking short I hate it so much it literally makes me want to kill myself because everyone just looks down at me and I don’t really care if women are taller than me but woth other guys it just reminds me of the fact that I will never be a real guy just some weirdo pretending to be one. And it just pisses me off so bad because there are people with REAL problems and I'm sitting here in Germany with a family that loves me and even more than enough money and I'm crying about this shit. And other trans people have it even harder because theyre disphoria is even worse and they ACTUALLY cry about it and I don’t know if I have ever cried about it because in my mind I'm a cis guy but then there are these constant reminders that I am infact NOT and it just pisses me off. And I still don’t know what I'm crying about like I should maybe help my friends with theyre problems instead of just talking about mine like how egoistical can I be. And I just HATE my ocd so much like even writing this text just feels like torture everything I do feels like torture and it wont ever go away like how am I supposed to live with that. And guys I almost did it in the last break because I was alone at home for a few days but then my friends came over for halloween and I didn't wanna ruin it for them but now that urge is gone and that should be good but now I just have to continue living and I don’t want to. Like I don't want to live but I'm also to scared to just kms because I dont want to hurt the people around me but maybe they would even be happy about it like I don't know what they think. I feel so corny right now like omg you're sad live with it you're not special like genuinely. Everyone felt this way at some point in their life I'm not special for feeling this way. And I just hate it when people say that for people to be able to love you you have to love yourself first. Like that's not motivating at all and just reminds me of the fact that no one loves me not even my friends and family and that no one will ever be able to love me since I will always hate myself and I just feel so egotistical for writing this because it feels like I'm trying to compete on who is the most sad.I fucking hate myself guys I should genuinely kms at this point.

I have the feeling that one day all of my friends are gonna leave me and that I will not be able to do anything about it.

Does anyone else hate themselves so much that they hate themselves even more for literally everything they do, even if it was a good thing. Like I could literally end world hunger and still find a way to hate myself over it. It's like no matter what I do my brain keeps convincing me that it was a bad thing to do and that I'm a bad person for doing it.

I fucking hate myself for having this post but I still won't take it down which makes me a hypocrite which makes me hate myself even more. This is so corny.

One thing about me is that I'm not really insecure when it comes to my face like I know that I'm an objectively good looking person but I also feel like I don't have anything else to show. And because of that I feel like I always have to look perfect 24/7 and obviously no one is capable of that and I'm not the type of person to always look good especially when I'm wearing glasses but if I don't look good I have literally no other good quality. Can anyone relate?😭

Does anyone else sometimes feel a type of way so you repost a video or safe a pin on pinterest about that feelings and then overtime you see that a lot of your friends reposted/pinned the exact same thing and you feel like such an asshole because like why am I crying about this when other people feel like this to like I'm not fucking special so why am I constantly going on about my feelings when basically everyone in the world can relate and probably feels even worse. I should help my friends with their problems but instead I'm just going on about my own feelings like an egoistic asshole.