Studying on the Weekend: What a Terrible Affair!

Last Sunday

I was an animal in a cage. Much like the rabbits I neglected. for days on end

But im no good

I'm not a responsible person

I'm not even responsible for myself

face it: you’ll always be dependent 

”what did you have to eat today?“

eat? arizona tea？laughable.

so instead i say

”leftovers.“

”what kind?“

what kind?

"pizza."

change the topic— no, i haven’t really cooked (of course you haven’t) just, instant noodles…

~~

I couldn’t

focus or

think.

The water bottle drops once more. stench permeates.

I thought, 

Not again.

I thought,

Leave me be.

I thought: 

Let me out.

Winter isolation will never end.

When I think of the future, 

I see the list I made for myself 

long ago. 

Some boxes are checked,

and too many are left to do. 

When I think of my future, 

I see myself drawing, 

swaddled in blankets, 

laying with her, on a Thursday afternoon. 

The sun peeks through the curtains

and her presence

scares me

~~

I have a quiz soon, 

because I always have a quiz,

and here I am imagining

tangible concepts.