Tess life 1/23

I've been thinking about death for a pretty long time, and I'm at the age where I never thought I'd make it this far. I'm surprised but I realized, I don't have a solid plan for my future. I never had a solid plan, because... I never thought that it'd make it so far and the world scares me. I don't think I'm scared of death anymore I've had too many experiences with it to be scared anymore.

I've been getting worse, and I've been getting pretty bad for a long time but I'm scared to let anyone know, I'm worried if I open up I'll only be put back where I originally was. 

No one i'm close with has noticed the change, notice that I've changed. For the worse. I know I'm changing, I can tell but I can't stop it because I don't know if it's actually real.

I've been home all day, thinking, wondering, maybe if God intended me to be here, he obviously didn't plan on me being here for much longer. I can feel somethings about to happen, something bad is about to happen to me and all I can do is sit here and wait for it. I don't know what it could be, I don't want to know what it is. 

I can feel something following me 24/7 and it's not worried about stopping, it's ready, it's just waiting for the right time and I'm also ready. All I have to do is wait, and wait and wait and wait and wait. Its getting closer, and it knows that I know. 

This is probably edgy, this is probably crazy but it's something I've been feeling for a long time and I'm now putting out for my own acknowledgement. 

ANYWAYS Tessi signing out luv you all <3 x3