Destroying myself to become the new me

I've hated myself since I was 13. I never really knew why I could just never seem to be comfortable with who I was or what I wanted out of life. I started self harm when I was 14 then started using drugs when I turned 17.  I kept everything to myself I wasn't crying out for help, I wasn't looking for sympathy. I did it because I hated me. In the last 2 years my world has shifted almost completely, I realized that in order for me to really find out who I am I have to completely destroy myself so I can pick up and put the pieces in their rightful place.