Breakup Rant

I don't even know to fucking start this off honestly. So basically me and my friend were driving to school and like we were on the topic of my ex and like you know how that goes. She was talking to me about like how it was good I took a break from social media which I did and that was really good for me. Then she asked me like have I blocked her and I said no. Then that is when the conversation got really in tense because she was like why haven't you blocked her? Do you have hope yall are still going to be together? Then basically I lied and said no I don't have hope for us even though I do and always will because I love her. Anyways she got all mad and was like if I had an ex like her I would block her ass so fast. I mean I get like me and her like our relationship was not the healthiest it was a little toxic. To be honest it was a lot toxic and I don't know why I want to back or why I still love her even though she has done all this bad shit to me. Anyways I really don't want to block her. I really want to stay friends with her if that's possible but I am so scared my friend is going to judge me for that and you know its not her business or whatever. I just don't know how to feel about it that's all. If any of yall have any advice please comment it down below I would love to know your thoughts