| Life update

New year new me or whatever. Anyway, my last blog post was just me ranting and being depressed about life blah blah blah and you know what? It's over!! It's time I do something about myself because I can't be my depressed self forever now can I? Change is hard but staying miserable is worse, so I gave a bit of thought (few seconds) about what I want to do and possibly change in my life:

1. I wanna go to college...I think? Still unsure about this one. I don't know if I'll manage to catch up with everything and my insecure ahh will definitely overthink essays. Also I don't know if I'll even get accepted. BUT if I do, at least I have an idea what I wanna potentially study, which already is a progress.

2. I think I know where I want to potentially work. Having a j*b was never my dream but I want to be independent and buy silly trinkets. Sooo I lowkey want to be a thanatocosmetologist!! I need to save up money for a course for that tho but I think I can do that. The problem is if I actually find a job in that but I'll worry about that later.

3. Lowkey I want to start stretching, maybe even exercising a bit. I don't really have any reasons for that, I just wanna move a bit :p

4. Time to get back to drawing!! Don't ask me which attempt is it. No matter how much I try to avoid it, this stupid ass childhood hobby keeps coming back to me. But now I want to start from basics. Like, BASICS basics. I realized drawing brings me no fun, just frustration. I hate how I struggle with anatomy, faces, posing yap yap yap so now I want to start with the boring basics so I improve for once.

5. Main goal for now is saving up money. I need money for the course and save up as much as I can. Am I excited for a shitty j*b I'll have to endure for months to reach that goal? Nope!! But money is money. Honestly I'll be happy if I get a job rn with the horrible job market and all. I'm giving myself time until April to reach it so pray for me!!

The main goal for this entire year is definitely being more positive. Again, I've been miserable and probably mentally ill my entire life. I can't change the mentally ill part that easily but I can definitely stop being miserable. I think it's time I finally move on and start growing. Truth being I never thought about getting better but here we are :p Maybe it's the entire frontal lobe changing thing. I don't know how this will go but it's worth trying, right? 

That's hella yap and the writing is very sloppy but I'm tired #hopecore