My vital instrument?

Before you read this, please note that my texts arent prepared and only freestyled and typed right away. I'm going through the reflection process throughout this article, so some things may contradict themselves. And you know what? I dont really care, that's who I am :3

After eating up the whole season of Gachiakuta in three days, it invaded my instagram feed, and i saw people talking about what could be their vital instrument. And i find it so cool..! By their answers, we can see what type of person they are.

But to be honest, i don't think i have one, its hard to say. I'm still young, so i don't have any object I have strong ties with, or that wasn't just imposed to me, and my mom immigrated in another continent before i was even born, so nothing was passed down onto me from the family, beside knee pain and generational curses....

So, when i started buying things myself, i started exploring bunch of things, but nothing that really stands out. I guess im kind of appreciative of everything, i still wear clothes from elementary school (my body forgot to grow up), i keep stuff as long as possible, I don't really neglect anything but i don't love on anything either. I used to store everything i got and the "junk" that comes with it, makes some toys or fun things, and throw them when my mom forced me to. Everything I have a strong tie with hasn't been around for that long and isn't that valuable. 

This moment of reflection makes me wonder if I'm just apathetic, heartless or uncaring, or if its just the community's reactions to people's answers that makes me subconsciously undermine the ties i have with objects to not get pointed out negatively. Even though i usually don't care what people say, I'm still a teen. You've got people mocking others for their answers and going as far as to say they've understood nothing of the show, that they're gonna ruin the community and similar things. 

I can get it at some point, saying your phone is your vital instrument isn't the most brilliant answer but rather a 4K HD live image of the damages of portable phones on today's society. But instead of being rude to those people and calling them braindead, it would've been easier to explain that a vital instrument is something you hold emotional attachment over, that you value it and care for it so much that it grows a life and well, becomes alive. It was the very first thing explained in the anime before we even had context so it's something we obviously need to understand to go on with the anime. And that those people don't hold anything as such over objects that are literally meant and made to die or become unusable within 4-5 years to keep bringing profit to companies, but rather what is inside of it; entertainment, linking up with new people, keeping in touch with friends, games, dopamine and easy distractions. 

We can use the examples of keys, if you don't hold any feelings toward the object, for their shape, history, memory they bring or things as such, then you don't love them, just the content behind the lock, or the door in whatever context. Although on top of that, some people could hold genuine feelings for a phone, like the actual object, maybe it's from a loved one that passed away, maybe it helped them get out of a rough situation, we never really know what could happen in someone's life. I don't think people even realize what's going on in their own life. We could never truly, we don't live alone, so we aren't the only perspective in a situation. 

Obviously, social medias are meant to be short form content, so explaining it to someone in a comment section, that would actually read it, take the time to understand and think through it sounds like a whole chore. But that's not an, excuse to outright insult them just because it's a phone. You see people saying their vital instrument would be their crochet hook, and no one seems to have an issue with that, just because its not a phone, but guess what, the reasoning is the exact same as someone who would've said theirs would be a phone. (I am not hating on everyone, that girl who said hers would be a crochet hook seems like a really cool person and i obviously don't see anything wrong with it.) 

They just enjoy what can they create with it so they care for it in order to create more, and that's literally the reasoning of the artists from Canvas Town. (or at least partially). While they can obviously love the object as an object itself, since it carries a whole status and responsibility, that can make people feel pride in having it, they like it because they can express themselves with it while protecting others. Now that i think about it, someone saying their vital instrument would be their phone could completely be a digital artist who drays in their phone. While physical art can get a little pricey, there's nothing expensive about downloading an app on a phone we already own.

I find it really unfair for people to get insulted or mocked by a whole group of people for speaking up even though they had no opportunity to explain why. Even in Gachiakuta the anime, we had a backstory to explain why through almost always a whole episode (if not more, correct me if I'm wrong), to make us understand more in depth the characters and their reasoning. Zanka chose a stick that wasn't even meant to be there during the weapon selection just to make himself look like a prodigy, yet he didn't get trashed down for trying to be a poser, was he? No he wasn't, because we had an explanation later. We've seen him at his worst laying it all out, we had his thinking process and honest confessions.

Anyway, back to myself.  

If there's one thing i have the most emotional attachment, it would be my crocheted sprout. It's such a simple and stupid thing, but let me develop. 

When i was in middle school, i started crocheting. At that time, I was trying to discover myself, because i was in my veeeery early teen years (if i was even a teen to begin with), but it really felt like no matter what i'd try, my sister would always come out of nowhere, try to do the same, and since she was always a bit of an extrovert, she'd brag about it around. 


Its to the point my family is dead convinced that i can't paint, even though I've started painting at 3 (i was having fun at pre-school :3) and drawing at 6, and i took a huge break because i was starting to enjoy books and manga, because my sister showed them a couple paintings from youtube tutorials on how to paint sunsets or flowers with medium-high quality paint. 

Whereas i used to paint whole panels as birthday gifts. My biggest and best painting of all my history was a Devilman Crybaby painting of that cool moment where Akira turned into a demon for the very first time at the Sabbath, i had to use crusty paint, a half dried out ballpoint pen, tears, high anxiety bc deadline and period pain on one of my sister's old used canvas of a failed painting she kinda gave up on that i had to paint a thick white coat before working. (Yes it cracked.)

It was for a BIRTHDAY. I didn't even get to enjoy it or flex on it bc i had finished at 3 in the morning and the event was at 3 in the afternoon. >:(

Anyway, it was the same for baking, painting, drawing, skateboarding, everything i tried. And crochet was one of these things! I had to start with cheap yarn the wrong size compared to bamboo crochet hooks that were making everything harder and gripping onto the yarn, but i was still happy with it bc ive been contemplating crocheting for YEARS. Then my sister got some smoother one that cost a little more. So when i wanted to crochet but for the experience to be enjoyable, i had to ask her! "oh hey, are you using the crochet hook X size? -No imma start rn. or -Yeah I'm using it, im working on something" (that would be on hold btw...)

So one day i had this little boost of confidence after fidgeting around with those bamboo hooks and though "why not make a sprout? I finally have headphones!" (bc yes, i finally got headphones at that time. I was so excited :3) When I finished it, it was quite loose, uneven between the two leaves and wouldn't even stand straight, but i still tied it to my headphones, and its been going on expeditions with me ever since! I've had it now for around 3 years or 4, and it has this tendency of bringing out nicer sides of people..! 

For example, I've got random older girls who always come up to me to tell me there's a leaf on my head to make sure i look neat or don't embarrass myself or whatever, just always with a good intention, only to find out its meant to be there! And like a clueless idiot, I always believe there's an actual leaf... And there was this sort of school assistant in middle school, she was initially so rude and strict and closed off to student, and I didn't really like her, but when she noticed it, she's been quite significantly nicer, and I also found out she crochets too.

This is quite ironic, irl, I'm usually a very closed off person, much more introverted and from what people tell me, I dont have the nicest resting face. And the fact that this little sprout makes me have so much social encounters is the total opposite. To be honest, if i wanted this sprout to be my vital instrument, it would be my headphones. They have a noise cancelling function, and the sound quality is nice. I literally can't go out with them because i feel too exposed to other when I dont have them. But both assembled are quite paradoxical, whereas this sprout provokes social interactions, the headphones shut me out from the world and create a nice and warm cocoon that also shuts out people. As contradictory as myself. 


The sprout and headphones still hold an emotional weight to me, one represents the little bit of "resilience" i had throughout my early teen years and the other represents my personality, my sense of comfort and accompanied me through phases and helped me develop musical taste. The thought of any of these two having to be replaced at one point sometimes makes me internally sick lmao

In the end, maybe people's opinion doesn't matter, my sprout and my headphones, as silly and mundane as they are, would be my vital instruments.