I Feel It.

I can feel it all so well. I can hear that familiar tune and everything is flushing back. I miss it so much. My soul healing during my 2 hour early morning bike rides. During those hours, I'd ride off to places unknown whilst the world is at sleep. Breathing, imagining and thinking everything and anything. I would talk to myself sometimes, but not in a crazy way, rather I was voicing out my thoughts that I usually kept in my head. Whether it be about observations, random thoughts, or jokes. I remember vividly how I would just stop at a lake, sit on the bench and just think for minutes. Sometimes I'd get so engrossed in my conversations with myself, I'd forget about my regular life and just immerse myself in the nature surrounding me. I would think about the evolution of the space around me and also what's to come in the future of that same space. My current book I was reading, and always about how to improve my current self. I love the way God created us. He created us in such a way that we're always drawn to his creations. We humans weren't designed to live our lives in a digital screen, no, we were created to serve God and live our days with life and joy. To take advantage of this beautiful earth God designed just for us. These are the philosophical thoughts I often occupied myself with within my precious hours I never cared much about anyone, not my appearance, nor wasting my time comparing myself to others.  I always knew I was brilliant. I knew I had gained awareness at an early age that nobody seemed to have yet, or rather show publicly. But I never said anything, just remained quiet and observed. I noticed when adults had secret resentment towards each other. I noticed everything. Every secret glance amongst two classmates. Every glance back. Every mouth twist of disgust. Every eye roll. Every wiping of hands. It was a little show, so very amusing. There was nothing I ever missed. But I never said anything, like always. Among my classmates, I was popular due to my association with  my friends. For why would I spend my middle school years being at the bottom of the barrel?  I love living life to the fullest and having the best things. People underestimate the power of law of assumption. I just assume my days away, it was incredibly easy. Even now in my older years, I find it works like a charm. Not that it mattered though, I knew it will all be temporary. A middle school hierarchy is always bound to crumble. The higher you are the deeper you fall. Luckily for me, I was never at any level to begin with. Like I said my personality attracted people. Perhaps because I knew how to act. What to do, what not do do. Hidden rules. This and that, yada yada. However don't mistake me for a people pleaser, that's the last thing I ever was or will be. I was never the type of person to follow what others were doing. I had a firm and secure personality. In an environment of insecurity, low self-esteem and no personality, I stood out EXCELLENTLY.  I consider that's one of my attractive features, being someone of value, especially at such a young age. Sometimes I feel as though it may be too much at times. I find myself being serious all the time and always on guard. Maybe the stories I've heard or things I've seen people experience have caused me to be in this constant analytical person. But keep in mind i was popular for a reason. Why have 1 friend group when you can have 4 amiright? I know they say a friend to all is a friend to none but what people say doesn't always have to be true. I was a friend to all, so I don't believe that reasoning is applicable to ME. I didn't care how people treated me, I always treated them right, just the way I would've enjoyed being treated. I hated conflict, still do. I think that's contributed to why I'm such a calm person right now. It is what it is though. I would be lying if i said i didn't have one heck of a time. Being popular had its perks. I loved our big group hangouts, conversations and talks. The bright blue skies to orange evenings, laughter in the air,  evidence of days well spent. I also loved exposure to other friend groups too. I was like a customer trying out a new ice cream parlor ice cream flavors with that amount of friend groups I had. However I was still quiet especially about my personal life. People sometimes asked me interesting questions, but I soon grew to love the art of being a tease. I would redirect the freak out of people's questions until they'll forget what they asked in the first place. I never said much about myself, I never had anything bad, just a "don't wanna" type of person. I loved having a private life. That's what keeps you interesting. 

{This writing will still be continued, don't fret.}