Talking to People

On the same topic of my last blog entry. 

I hate how bad I am at talking to people. In one on one conversations it's easier to talk and be myself or whatever but group settings are a whole other thing. I either have nothing to say or don't know where to cut in without cutting someone off. Or even knowing if I'm meant to be part of the conversation. And when I do try I often end up getting ignored. 

During school I usually spent my time in classrooms alone. During lunch and recess I had friends but it was only people who would start conversations with me. I have people Im close with and care about but as I get older theres less of those people who actively start conversations and put effort to continue them. There's less acquaintance? type people in my life. 

I know to a certain extent it's also my job to go out of my way to interact with people but it's genuinely so difficult for me. Like how do I know if they're actually wanting to talk or just being polite. How do I show interest in them without seeming *too* interested iykwim? And most of the time they can't even hear me cause my voice is too quiet. But if I speak louder my voice sounds mean. And then I don't even know what to say. My mind goes blank. I love people who yap and always have something to talk about but it's hard to find them and even harder to get that ball rolling. 

I know its something I have to work on but I struggle anyways.