doubt

there’s a lot of stress and doubt weighing on me at the moment. trying to find a new job and balancing all of this and the channel has definitely felt drowning at times. i will keep going because at the end of the day i don’t really have a choice. i know the voice deep within will rise and i will hate myself for having wasted the time instead of just pushing through. there’s a reason hard things are hard. just have to keep going. i truly believe i have the right character to succeed, i believe i have the personality to do it and the patience to see it through. right now it’s so fun but it’s also so hard and maybe one day i’ll ill look back and wish i cherished this knife’s edge a bit more. it’s the risk of winning and losing that makes the come up so memorable and i want to keep that hunger forever. it’s only human to doubt ourselves and im sure i will get over it. just need to fix the money problem. i am afraid of dying like anyone else is but more importantly i am afraid of failing myself and never recovering. these things take time.