Chat am I cooked?

So, if anybody is actually reading this, I need some DESPERATE love advice

The thing is that I'm kinda in love (again) with a girl I used to have a situationship (?) last year. We talked things out, after our whatever went wrong, we said sorry to eachother and now we're trying to be friends once again. Everything looks kinda fine by now, right? well, it is not.

This girl has a boyfriend. Or well, he's not her boyfriend yet... but just because there hasn't been an actual question, so they're technically not dating but you guys get it. Now, I have this problem of being really into her, and when that horrible thing happens to me I cannot find my self to be normal about ir and my entire body feels the consecuences of my strong feeling

I'm good at hiding it from her tho, since we're talking strictly as friends, and because she's about to date somebody, I can't tell her at all and it's killing me.

Like I said, I feel everything to the very extreme, so when she tells me about her boyfriend, I can't help but feel like my heart gets heavier with every word and how my stomach is about to give up with every bit of love on her messages about him.

I feel like a really bad friend because of those heavy feelings, like I'm betraying her the way my heart is betraying me, and I really don't know what exactly do about all of this cuz, on one side, I still want to be a good friend to her and listen to her whloe happy life with this guy, but in the other hand I think I'll die if I hear her saying that he's the one one more time