January 15, 2026 ୨୧

Went to bed around 2 last night and couldn't fall asleep until five, so in the end I got maybe two hours of sleep today. But that's common practice. School felt surprisingly easy and I think I even passed the test we had in physics this time. Despite this I still feel incredibly drained.

We had a lecture about uni life from one of my school's graduates. She talked a lot about her own experience and it was pretty interesting overall. Though in her section about enrollment she mentioned how nobody really looks at the grades in your diploma and that a gold medal only gives you something like 3 extra points, so I'm really questioning whether or not it's worth anything in the end. I spent all 12 years of school sacrificing my free time and mental health to get the perfect results I wanted, only to end up with debilitating self-worth issues and nothing much to show for my hard work. Oh well. I guess it's good that the last three years I've become more outgoing and actually done stuff that's worth remembering in the long run. And at lest I have like five friends who I'll get to keep in contact with.

But now the real question is - do I keep trying to get the medal? Or do I give up and live an enjoyable rest of my school life? This is the most burnt out I've ever been about studying, and trying to keep up a perfect record will be hell for sure. It doesn't help that being sick for two weeks back in the end of November brought so many "debts". I still have a 0 in physics on a test the  topic of which I missed entirely, and an Estonian essay which I have to write in class (with a stupid topic on which I know NOTHING to write about...). Plus, I also need to write a math test that I missed last week, but before I can take it I have to submit, like, five filled out worksheets. Oh, and the next test we have to write over the weekends. Fun.

Add to this the fact that I'll have to skip ANOTHER week when my other pair of wisdom teeth gets removed, and my workload might just triple. Of course, along with all of this we have a ton of other subjects for which we have to regularly write essays. Why couldn't have the career, family and music courses been put in 10th grade? It feels so dumb to be wasting time like this when we're, what, four months away from graduation?

Anyway, rant over. After our lessons ended, my friend and I had a late lunch together (schedule changes meant that we didn't get to eat at school today...) and then wandered around in the city center. We looked at makeup and home decor, and ended up finding Sylvanian Families blind bags! We very rarely get shipments of these, so it was a very lucky find.

We both got the ones we had wanted! The lamb is mine and the bunny is my friend's.

The trip home was pretty bad, though. It's only -8 degrees, yet it feels like -12. So I was very happy to get to my warm bed in the end. I took a nap which was lovely but too short, so I still feel dizzy after waking up. My mom got me a big box for my Christmas decorations, so I took the time to put those away. My room feels a lot less cluttered now, which is nice.

Now I that this entry is done, I have no more excuses to put off doing my math homework... What a pain.