Cogwheel

I want a job, and to have a family... But I have to learn new things throughout my education, which feels daunting. Mostly because I don't feel like I can master anything. I feel like there's people out there whom can do it better. And all in all, I feel worthless as an individual. Similarly to how there's always the meatshields in a war, or a sidecharacter in a protagonists story. While I believe I should do whatever gives me the most enjoyment in life, I also feel like I am undeserving of it as I have not done anything special, and never will, and therefore will not be chosen. In that sense I understand the people who take whatever they can with disregard for others. It's unfair that some will never have what others have, because of what boils down to RNGesus. Because it doesn't sit right with me, that everyone being treated unfairly, and at random, is a sense of equality on its own. I suppose I believe in the individual. I do not think it's good.. considered a society that can't work together wouldn't be very nice. But I do believe one should mostly prioritise oneself and ones own morals. (For example choosing to save your mother, instead of 2 other peoples mothers.) I can't argue for it being the right choice. It's more that.. I believe, the two other children truly wouldn't have the right to blame you as it was your choice. 

I trailed a bit off. I'd like to point out every human life is equally worth something and thus I also think their choices is worth as much. I do however not believe i am adept enough in a society that prizes those who help the most people, as that tends to be one of the most challenging things one can do. I believe a lot of us will age, and die, not having lead much of a meaningful life for anyone but themselves. 

Which is alright. I just hope I manage to score my goals and.. either settle for a lower standard or go beyond. Functioning as a cog of a machinery, if only a tiny one, is difficult, bearing my own weight as I spin, when I am weak.