alienated

I cant believe this.

i dont belong. i hate it here. nobody understands me. and i dont mean that in a quirky, 'look at me, i'm so different' way. I truly feel that im not properly understood.

i can explain myself, time and time again, but never will someone get what im going through. They'll nod empathetically. Tell me everything will be okay again. Tell me how to fix it. But maybe i dont need to hear how it should be fixed. Maybe i just need a place to rant about how i feel, and not rationalize it. I rationalize everything in life, to the point where emotions are barely a thing. So why, why can't i just tell you how i feel, without thinking, without you telling me it isnt all that bad, and that i can rationalize it to cope. i rationalize enough.

my friends are only texting when i text them. they ask me how i am just to ask the question. they'll tell me about their life, what crazy thing they experienced at home, or in class. the story of how they met their boyfriends, and all the things they do together. when they ask me, i just say 'i'm alright. Work sucks, school is okay, but it could be worse.' once again, rationalized.

i dont have a place to go. i'm all alone and it fucking sucks.