Mental health

I feel like things has gotten worse, that i lost friends and that nobody loves me, i don't wanna crawl back to my "friends" because i know they'll ignore me like they'll always do. 

I really on the verge to do something bad, i wish i wasn't a burden, or useless i hate myself i can't tell how much i do. 

It sounds so edgy the way i describe it, but i genuinely feel like no one wants to be around me, listen to me or care for me like i do for them, i always try to help but i never get a thank you all they want is to hear and then leave, but when i do need help or genuine company suddenly i don't exist and they let me go thru it, so i give up, i wish i could kill myself genuinely i'm sorry if it sounds edgy, i know i can't do it because i'm scared but i keep thinking about it