A letter I’ll never send so I’ll put it here.

It’s not cause I hate you, i really wish I could. It’s more like I can’t stand you, thinking of you makes me nauseous. You didn’t do anything wrong is what I’d like to say, sure you haven’t done anything to me but that doesn’t take away from what I’ve seen, heard, and the ‘minor’ things I’ve experienced being in your presence. I’ve never really known you and for a long time I tried but being in the home doesn’t make you present if your glued to a screen, if your playing on the tv, if your on call with your old ‘friends’. I’m your daughter, was your daughter, supposed to be your little girl and you made me feel more left out and different then the people and kids I was around outside of the home. I wanted to know you and now I’m done, i don’t want to know, to be around or to see you. I wanted her to be happy, my mom deserves it I just wish she didn’t see you as something so connected to her soul, she deserves better then you’ll ever be and the worst part is you don’t even try. If she try’s to bring you back into our lives- my life while I’m trying and starting to get my mental together, my feelings in order, I will not be able to stay with you guys, I will not be able to stay with my family. Maybe I’ll go stay with a relative, maybe my mental will worsen to a state I’ve been trying to stay away from, either way I I’ll do something I may not be able to come back from the only difference is I’ll either be miles and states away or six feet and on the way. It’s not cause I hate you, I really wish I could. It’s because you make me sick, you disgust me  and i despise every feature and habit of yours that inhabits me. I hate that I’m light as you, I hate that I make the same faces you do, I hate that I’m your daughter and feel more like a accessory than a person in your presence. I hate how you make me feel and every rancid breath you take, I hate your yellow teeth and the plaque between them, I hate your white tongue and your nasty habits, I hate how you used to leave your clothes all over the house. I hate how this disgusting man, this cheater, this addict, this vile man is my father. That helped make my brilliant little sister and hulk of a baby brother, and me… I hate it, I hate how disgusted and nauseous you make me but I don’t hate you. Really I’m in different to you besides the sickness I feel in your presence, actually I’m glad you make me sick because without how sick you make me i wouldn’t feel anything for you at all.

-Bunny