why ami like this

when i get mad over smth small instead of letting it out i keep it in and then when something happens i get really mad but im so mad and sad right now i miss my mommy even tho i havent seen her since dinner like 4 hours ago also this aways happens its like impossible for me to keep friendships because i always start hating my friends friends if yall r reading this i dong hate yall im just really mad and i think i may start doing it again i always do this and i dont want to do it again but it aleayts happens im impossible i feel liuke the worst person  miss my mommy i wish i was huggung her rn but shes sleeping and im like sobbing rn i really wanta talk to someone about this irl but i hate venting or whatever unless it sound like im complaining i hate this so much why am i like this i know this was very cinfusing and honestly im confused too i dont know whats happening to me and why m lime this