more blogging whats on my mind

returned to blog to avoid calc hw. but uhh. okay some stuff thats been on my mind lately. 

i kinda wanna do youtube stuff. but the problem is im very much like an overthinker (if my 2k words per blog werent obvious on that front) so even making a yt channel is where the issues start to come in. most creators im a fan of have specific channels for specific kinds of content, so if they're a digital horror creator they'll have an account specifically for that, if they're a videoessayist their main channel will have only that, etc etc etc. 

now here's where my challenge comes in. i want to do 3 separate things with youtube. first, digital horror stuff. ive already made a separate account for this and i feel like it works best when it's just home to anything digital horror or unfiction related i make so it's not part of this challenge anymore, it's mostly the other 2 stuff i want to do. 

video essay stuff and just miscellaneous stuff. now i *would* just make these one channel but the problem is people usually subscribe to see more of a specific kind of content. if i start a channel with video essay stuff then hard pivot to gamedev logs it might be a bit too jarring for one audience and vice versa if i were to start with gamedev.

and on top of this i already have like 6 different accounts so im running short of emails to use for these things. and for some reason my brain is not letting me use like half of these accounts because they already have a designated purpose in my head (i.e. 'no you can't use that one that's the one you'll eventually use to post portfolio animations.. and you cant use that one thats the one you use to lurk! you cant use that one thats the one you use just to watch things you like.. you cant use that one either its just supposed to be a burner!') so half of them just end up being burners i cant use anything for.  

 i actually just remembered a fourth i was gonna do things for which was animation but thankfully in my head one of those burners was made for animation so i can just use that one when i eventually post my animated stuff to yt. 

but uh anyways i feel like with so many accounts my work is almost gonna be *too* decentralized? like spreading so much of my work so thin will only hurt my work but at the same time i feel like if i don't spread what i want to do across like 4 different accounts it'll be too confusing to the average person and will make my work a mess to sort through?

i know i can just make (and i probably will) a neocities website and just organize each with their specific purpose on there with links but that's quite a ways off from now and right now i kinda just wanna focus on like. getting my first videos out.

im still wondering on if i should combine the miscellaneous and video essay account. i genuinely dont know. i kinda just want one account to do random shit on (old web style vlogging, random minecraft shit, playtesting something with my friends, gamedev logs, classic old youtube shit i guess) but i also want to make video essays cause as you can see i have a lot of thoughts to think and generally its more productive for me when i can get them to exist externally from myself. (this is a motivation for a lot of things i make tbh) so i feel it would help me creatively to have youtube accounts to do things with but at the same time i dont wanna spread myself too thin. im thinking making the neocities with it all in one place is a good idea and maybe ill just do that and also add a little blog and QNA section to it so i can have a lot of my stuff in one place. 

whats interesting about first videos to me (and why i never put anything massive in them) is generally they're always very life or death in my eyes. i always get very panicked about them succeeding and this is why i never make something big i want to do my first video because if that happens the pressure gets 10x worse. i also have no clue what to expect with them so like its just easier if its one step into the shallow end of the swimming pool as opposed to jumping right into the deep end with no knowledge of how to swim (something i actually did once BTW). 

this is why ill probably just make my first videos on these accounts small appetizers. they're essentially safety barriers for my panic so i can just bite the bullet/risk of posting and creating a new account online and just get it over with so it loses the imposing nature a first video gets in my mind. 

but uhhhhhhhh

i think thats a majority of whats on my mind right now. 

also im pretty sure i injured my foot and we have to go to the hospital to get it checked but we never got it scheduled sob. also uhhh. i have to transfer everything off my phone cause its phone service is getting cancelled so unfortunately i have to do that today. and put in the EFFORT of getting up and unboxing this stupid wire so i can navigate to files or whatever and port shit off. 

also i want to do a small video-essay. i wont tell you guys what its about yet cause there's a 50% chance i dont do anything about it but incase i do i will update on progress (although i wont say what it is or link it unless i finish it and want to)

speaking of progress i got small progress on episode 6! cut something redundant and am (partially) done with another site page. i at least wrote it out so now every blog site for this episode has text on it (even if i have to rewrite some of it later which i dont want to do at this point but we'll #see) 

anddd i think thats it

generally i see this as me yelling out to the void but if anyones reading this uh

thanks for reading

byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee