might be kinda heavy....

I know this isn't the best place to post on here, but I need to get it out somewhere....

So I am 20 years old now, and I'm sure what I'm about to say is normal to feel at this age.

I've just moved back from attending trade school, so I'm living with my grandparents while I save up for an apartment. I work one job, but I'm about to start a second job tomorrow, and  I use my free time in the gym. 

I feel so isolated and like I'm in a void of nothingness, like I'm not pushing myself as much as I should be. I have stopped eating as much as I should be, and my sleep schedule is so fucked, even when I try to fix it, and don't even get me started on relationships.

I feel like every day I'm hanging on by a thread. The only thing keeping me afloat is music and being busy. And I always feel lazy, and like a disappointment because I'm not working in the trade I went to school for, because no one is hiring at the moment.

I just don't know what to do, and I know my grandmother is worried about me, but I just need space. 

I want to drop off the planet just to get at least a millisecond of nothingness, which is funny since I feel like I'm there anyway, just without the peacefulness.

Maybe one day I will achieve my own happiness...