Determination and Discipline

     Ever since I realized I had even a tiny bit of artistic tendency within me about 3 years ago, I realized it's quite "easy" (re: simple yet hard) to become better at drawing/modeling/what have you. The hard part is staying disciplined enough to be consistent with practice and producing. At one point, I was drawing pixel art every day. I don't remember when I stopped, but it was only for about a month in 2018. Since then, I've progressively slowed down. I think I drew two or maybe three things in 2021. Modeling is a little different since it's so easy to iterate for me, but it has the same issue. I have no idea how to "force" myself to do these things like practicing and sketching, so maybe I feel like my desires are unearned.

     To make a video game is to create models, textures, sounds, music, shaders, story, character designs, and entire worlds, at the very least. I sit here at my desk at 3am pondering if I actually want to do these things, or if I actually just like the idea of it; however, I definitely feel the need to create and bring to life a story that I wish to tell. Ironically, I don't even know what kind of story I want to tell, other than one that might be so blatantly about myself that it might be too self-serving. I hope I can figure out the best routine for myself so I don't get burnt out like I did years ago. I know I could search for help, but unless it's a close friend, I don't think I'd like to share the responsibility of such a task, especially when I want full creative control.

     This sounds like determination when I think about it, but I realize I've become what I've dreaded; an "ideas person". Someone who has ideas and preaches them and yet never takes the time to learn how to execute them. Maybe I'm not so determined, or maybe I take it too seriously.