Since my last blog….

So… how have you guys been since my last blog post?
A lot has happened since then including me having my first boyfriend… and breaking up after just two weeks.

Everything really started after that Fortnite day. I realized I couldn’t deal with my crush’s behavior anymore, so I talked to one of my guy friends about it. Like I said before, we were kind of flirting, but I never actually liked him I only liked my crush.
One random day, while we were sitting on our usual bench, things suddenly changed. We didn’t even officially talk about it we just became a couple. At first, it was just for fun. Then it turned into something more serious.

That’s when things started to feel fucked up.

He made me unfollow my crush everywhere even on Xbox. Like… chill. When my crush, who I had talked to for six months, texted me asking why I unfollowed him, explaining myself was the worst part. I had to admit that my boyfriend made me do it. And the worst part? My boyfriend and my crush were kind of close.
The next day, my boyfriend went and talked to my crush about everything. I was so mad. If I’m being honest… I think I used my boyfriend to forget my crush. And it didn’t work at all.
For a few days, everything seemed fine. But then I started missing my crush again. And since the three of us were in the same class, it became even more confusing. I saw my crush every day, and he got colder and colder and I knew it was because I had a boyfriend.

One day I realized I was losing him, and I panicked. I wanted to break up with my boyfriend. Not because he treated me badly he actually treated me really well but because my heart was never fully there.Every time I went out with my boyfriend, I kept thinking about how those moments would feel if I were with my crush instead. I hate admitting this, but I was never truly happy. Every night I went home with this heavy feeling in my chest, because all I could think about was him.

After two weeks everything  messed

I asked my crush one simple question about Fortnite, and my boyfriend got really angry. Inside my head, I kept thinking, Who does he think he is to control who I talk to?

But at the same time… I knew I was wrong too. I had made him believe I was over my crush, and I wasn’t.We didn’t talk for two days. Then he sent me a long message, and for the first time, I told him something close to the truth.I told him everything was moving too fast and it really was. We got attached too quickly. I broke up with him, and we haven’t talked since.

Five days after the breakup, I sent a follow request to my crush.

He didn’t accept it.

That’s when I realized… I lost him.

Now he barely talks to me. When he does, he doesn’t even look at my face. I feel worthless. I feel stupid. We’re in the same class, yet it feels like we’re strangers and that hurts more than anything.I don’t want to sound dramatic, but I just want him back. I want him to talk to me again. I want us to play Fortnite together. I want his weird messages, his stupid reels, his random thoughts.

I didn’t want things to end like this.

But they did e…