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Today was supposed to be my first day of school, I I'm not in school, as you can tell, because I'm writing.
Last 3 months were hell, never felt worse in my life. I didn't want to end it all this time, at least, that means I got better. Still, they were horrible, I cried every day and the only thing that could calm me down was music, as my school has a strict no phone, no electronical devices policy, I couldn't listen to music to calm me down.
Why was I having so much trouble? I am, at the moment, being ignored.
A few days ago, it was my birthday. Which none of my friends called. When I told my mom this, she went to the kitchen, when she came back, my friends called. Which was nice, at least they cared a bit about me.
That night I checked my mum's WhatsApp (bc my uncle had sent a message) and found messages with my friends mum, my mom was asking her for her daughter to say happy birthday.
This is the most recent, but of course there's more. My attendance was shit this 3 months, because I couldn't really focus on school so I would just stay at home. My grades were shitty in every test, I lied to my parents about the other grades of my classmates, to make seem the exam as more difficult.
This caused my classmates to make fun of me for my grades. Which was the worst thing, because I've always been top of my class, maybe not top, but really good. Also my parents were warming me about not passing, which is my worse fear, because I don't want to be a loser, I'm not a loser. I just need help, I just need a fucking friend, one, I don't care, just one. One person that I can talk to, I just don't want to be alone anymore, it's been 2 years, I can't be like this any longer.
I used to be so pretty and brave and popular, I had so many friends, everyone wanted to be friends with me... What happened? I didn't change, I just cut myself some bangs. I don't see anyone changes....
I'm venting here because i can't do It anywhere else, they'll know it's me.
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Alex
Feel hugged. My school life was exactly like that. I was happy when my classmates ignored me instead of calling me names or something.
Let me tell you: You are brave, strong and kind.
I know you might think this won´t help any further but: Do you have any teacher/principal that you can talk about that? Do you know some authority in your school where you know: If this person speaks, everyvone is listening and doing what they say? I never considered telling my principal that I got bullied. I thought nobody would take it seriously or help me anyway. I catched a cold, didn´t attend school. My principal talked in a harsh ton to my class that they should treat me equally. When I came back to school they didn´t bully me anymore. From one day to another.
Did you express sadness towards your friends that they didn´t call you? How you feel in general?
What about your mother? Is she strict? Is there anyone you trust?
Do you have a psychologist at school? You can tell them everything. They are bound by confidentiality. They are not allowed to talk with anyone about what you tell them. It´s prohibited.
I talked to my teacher, he's actually trying to help me a lot. He always does checks ups on me and everything, I don't know if he's talked about my situation with anyone in my class, and if he has, I don't think they've listened.
I haven't talked to my friends about this, because I'm afraid they'll ignore me more and they'll think I'm too dramatic about this.
Actually my mum is my biggest support, I'll talk with her every day, I tell her everything. She's amazing.
My school doesn't have a phycologist, they have a guidance Counselor, idk if it's the same but yeah. I go there to skip PE mostly, but they've tried to help me a lot. It just that my classmates won't talk to me, and I've tried to talk to them, they just ignore me.
Thank you so much for your kindness, this has made me feel much better <333
by 1re c0s7; ; Report
I'm so glad to hear that you have that support, really 🫂
It's so important to know you're not alone.
I get you but maybe give it a try and tell them how you feel about it. Not for them but for you. So you have a way to stand up for yourself and if they ignore you: that are not your friends and you deserve someone who listens and is a real friend to you.
Your mom is great! Glad you have her!
I hope your teacher talks to your classmates. Does everyvone ignore you? I hope your teacher takes action.
I'm happy I could help you a bit. You're not alone! Kids can be cruel. Let me tell you: Most of your classmates feel insecure about themselves. It's not about you. Trust me. They literally search for anything to make drama or ignore you.
You're not alone! 🫂
by Alex; ; Report
I'm sorry for not replying, I had some problems logging in, it's fine now.
I actually kinda got a friend, he talks to me during math, which is great because I would fall asleep if he wasn't there. But yeah, in the break, I'm still alone, because he's playing football. I go to the library to study, which is fine, because I get better grades!
Thank you so much for the advice and everything, you are a very good person<3
by 1re c0s7; ; Report
No problem, I´m not reguarly online as well :)
I´m happy you found a friend!! It feels nice to have someone by your side where you can relax and rely on.
by Alex; ; Report